This past year my wife and I celebrated our 25th anniversary. It is the second marriage for both of us and the relationship has only grown stronger over the years, teaching me more about love and trust and dependence then I ever imagined. Reaching this special “silver moment” spurred me to look around and think about the number of friends we have who also have great second marriages and led me to question the alleged statistic that 60+% of second marriages end in divorce. I also thought about how many friends we have who are still in their original marriages and appear to be very happy. Thus, I decided it was time to do some research on divorce rates.

In the process of preparing for this article, I learned what I had long suspected. The commonly quoted numbers are overstated myths, the more accurate numbers reflect complex factors, and that our society really has two very separate divorce rates, a lower rate (by half) for college-educated women who marry after the age of 25 and a much higher rate for poor, primarily minority women who marry before the age of 25 and do not have a college degree (most of the research focused on women; the little I read about men suggested similar outcomes).

The Statistics:

A false conclusion in the 1970s that half of all first marriages ended in divorce was based on the simple but completely wrong analysis of the marriage and divorce rates per 1000 people in the U.S. A similar abuse of statistical analysis led to the conclusion that 60% of all second marriages ended in divorce. These errors have had a profound impact on attitudes about marriage in our society and it is a terrible injustice that there wasn’t more of an effort to get accurate data (essentially only obtainable by following a significant number of couples over time and measure the outcomes) or that newer, more accurate and optimistic data isn’t being heavily reported in the media.

It is now clear that the divorce rate in first marriages probably peaked at about 40% for first marriages around 1980 and has been declining since to about 30% in the early 2000s. This is a dramatic difference. Rather than view marriage as a 50-50 shot in the dark it can be viewed as a having 70% likelihood of succeeding. But even to use that kind of generalization, i.e., one simple statistic for all marriages, grossly distorts what is actually going on.

The key is that the research shows that starting in the 1980s education, specifically a college degree for women, began to create a substantial divergence in marital outcomes, with the divorce rate for college-educated women dropping to about 20%, half the rate for non-college-educated women. Even this is more complex, since the non-college educated women marry younger and are poorer than their college grad peers. These two factors, age at marriage and income level, have strong relationships to divorce rates; the older the partners and the higher the income, the more likely the couple stays married. Obviously, getting a college degree is reflected in both these factors.

Thus, we reach an even more dramatic conclusion: That for college educated women who marry after the age of 25 and have established an independent source of income, the divorce rate is only 20%!

Of course, this has its flip side, that the women who marry younger and divorce more frequently are predominately Black and Hispanic women from poorer environments. The highest divorce rate, exceeding 50%, is for Black women in high poverty areas. These women clearly face extraordinary challenges and society would do well to find ways to reduce not just teen pregnancies but early marriages among the poor and develop programs that train and educate the poor, which will not only delay marriage but provide the educational and financial foundation that is required to increase the probability of a marriage being successful. Early marriage, early pregnancy, early divorce is a cycle of broken families that contributes significantly to maintaining poverty. The cost to our society is enormous.

Here is some additional data about divorce in first marriages before moving on to the limited data available about second marriages. divorce rates are cumulative statistics, i.e., they don’t occur at a single moment in time but add up over the years of marriage and do so at different rates. After reviewing numerous sources, it appears that about 10% of all marriages end in divorce during the first five years and another 10% by the tenth year. Thus, half of all divorces are within the first ten years. (Keep in mind this is mixing the disparate college-non-college group rates.) The 30% divorce rate is not reached until the 18th year of marriage and the 40% rate is not reached until the 50th year of marriage! Thus, not only is the rate of divorce much lower than previously thought but at least half of all divorces occur within the first ten years and then the rate of divorce slows dramatically. Since the divorce rate for women married by 18 is 48% in the first ten years and that group, once again, is primarily poor, minority women, the rate for educated couples is much less during those first ten years.

No wonder the divorce rate in Massachusetts is the lowest in the country. We have the highest percentage of college graduates. That explains why I have so many first marriage friends!

Finding meaningful data about the divorce rates for second marriages was difficult. But knowing that the rate for first marriages has been grossly overstated and poorly understood for decades suggested a likely similar outcome for the data on second marriages. One report indicated that the divorce rate for remarried, white women is 15% after three years and 25% after five years. This ongoing study indicated a definite slowing of the rate over time but did not have enough years measured to draw more long-term conclusions. However, it did indicate that the same factors with first divorces were at play here. Age, education, and income levels were also highly correlated with the outcomes of second marriages. For example, women who remarried before the age of 25 had a very high divorce rate of 47%, while women who remarried over the age of 25 only had a divorce rate of 34%. The latter is actually about the same for first marriages and likely also would prove to be an average of different rates based socioeconomic factors. Thus, my take on this limited amount of data is that divorce rates for second marriages may not be very different than those for first marriages. So my small sample of friends, who remarried older, had college degrees, and joint incomes, is probably not a distorted view of the success rate of second marriages.

Cohabitation:

In the course of gathering information about divorce rates, I came across a few articles describing the growing frequency of couples choosing cohabitation over marriage. I don’t have any figures that I consider accurate enough to report on the percentage of cohabitating couples but a July 24, 2007 Boston Globe article on cohabitating parents sheds some light and raises some serious concerns about this trend.

I must admit a bias here. From my professional experience, I believe cohabitating couples are afraid of the commitment that marriage requires. Certainly a piece of this is what I stated at the beginning of this article, that the myth of the divorce rate has placed a dark cloud over the institution of marriage. The reason for my concern is the following data reported in the Globe article. There is a marked increase in births to cohabitating couples, up from 29% in the early 1980s to 53% in the late 1990s. When you compare what has happened to those relationships when the child is two years old, 30% of the cohabitating couples are no longer together while only 6% of the married couples are divorced. This is another serious societal problem as it contributes to the U.S. having the lowest rate of all Western countries, 63%, of children being raised by both biological parents.

In addition, the general data suggests that cohabitating couples break up at twice the rate of married couples. Of course, this kind of simple statistic hides many complex factors with regard to who actually constitutes the population of cohabitating couples and the likelihood that many choose to live together with no real intention of permanence. However, my main point here is the concern that many couples may be choosing cohabitation over marriage because they actually believe that the institution of marriage is unhealthy and too risky, a conclusion that my review of divorce rates strongly disputes.

Conclusion:

The historical belief that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and that over 60% of all second marriages end in divorce appears to be grossly overstated myths. Not only is the general divorce rate most likely to have never exceeded 40% but the current rate is probably closer to 30%. A closer look at even these lower rates indicate that there are really two separate groups with very different rates: a woman who is over 25, has a college degree, and an independent income have only a 20% probability of her marriage ending in divorce; a woman who marries younger than 25, without a college degree and lacking an independent income has a 40% probability of her marriage ending in divorce.

Thus, factors of age, education, and income appear to play a significant role in influencing the outcome of marriages and that for the older, more educated woman, getting married is not a crap shoot but, in fact, it is highly likely to produce a stable, lifelong relationship.

Dr. Heller is a clinical psychologist, now retired, who specialized in providing services to children, families, and couples since 1968. He has written over 150 columns about parenting and marriage which are available on his website, http://www.drheller.com.

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If you find yourself considering divorce, make sure that you know about alimony, as being uninformed can be a costly mistake for all parties involved. Simply put, alimony is the ongoing cost one spouse must give the other as a result of the dissolution of their marriage. It can be decided by the courts during the divorce process or it can be mutually agreed upon during divorce mediation. Depending on the lifestyle either part was accustomed to, the length of time for these payments can be finite or life-long. Traditionally they were award to the wife who usually was not the ongoing breadwinner of the relationship but nowadays that is changing.

Historically, men were the main support for their families and woman traditionally maintained the household. As you all know, that has changed in the last 40 years. With woman becoming more and more equal in income and stature in the workforce and the world to men, the word alimony has also changed. It is now referred to as, "Maintenance," and is now considered for either of the parties involved in the divorce. The overall monetary needs of the spouses are reviewed to see who has the greatest need for a, "Divorce Maintenance Accommodation (aka, "Maintenance")

There are different types of alimonies or maintenances and it is crucial to know about all of them so you can decide what is indeed best for you and your spouse. Unlike in years past, a mandatory, permanent maintenance is only awarded or considered if one of the spouses is unable to gain employment after the marriage separation. The more common type of maintenance is, "Temporary alimony." This type of maintenance is granted on the basis that the receiving spouse simply needs help in maintaining a certain quality of life throughout the divorce process. It has a targeted end date and does not continue on and on. One example would be a marriage separation where one spouse moves out of the house immediately without making provisions for paying household expenses like a mortgage or property maintenance. When this happens, a court-authorized award (Temporary alimony) is given to the spouse who remains in the household, during the course of a marriage separation to allow him/her to recover and get their finances back in order.

Another type of alimony or maintenance that mediators or judges consider is, "Rehabilitative alimony. This is usually a maintenance sum with a range from a few months to a few years and is designed to help the spouse learn a new profession or learn a trade so they can gainful employment and become financially independent.

Finding the right lawyer or divorce mediator when dealing with decisions having to do with alimony or maintenance is important and when you find one specializing in this in your locality you can receive some powerful advice based on their prior knowledge and experiences. Following this advice is critical if you want your divorce or mediation procedures to culminate in a beneficial and fair settlement for you and your spouse.

Many people choose to use these types of services as ammunition against their spouse and although this may seem profitable, in the long run you may hurt yourself and your spouse. Therefore, it is best to make sure you find someone who is experienced, has valid references, and is someone you like and trust.

Some of the affiliations you should look into are those mediators that are accredited by national organizations, have experience in not just the mediation process but also the financial processes. A certified financial divorce mediator is the position of someone well versed in the finances of divorce.

In closing, always remember that no two divorces are alike. Always make sure you discuss your needs with a couple of divorce mediators and attorneys so you can find the best one for your situation. Every step you take during this critical time may or may not have implications in the outcome so be sure to protect your rights and talk to a professional.

Richard Barthallo knows that divorce is not the best answer for relationship problems. alimony and maintenance costs can be financially devastating. Divorce mediation is a way to reduce costs when a relationship ends. Natalie Nelson is a trustworthy boulder divorce mediator

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Many wives, and even husbands, "jump the gun" so to speak, and wonder what the outcome of their marriage will be if they find out that their "gut instinct" is true. If you suspect that your spouse may be cheating on you, your mind may naturally wander to the not-too-distant future, and the "what could be". However, before you let your mind and emotions take over, and take you into the unfounded world of which you are contemplating, you need to, first of all, verify that your spouse is, in fact, having an extramarital affair.

Identifying an unfaithful spouse

While painful, the first step in healing the wounds over an affair is verifying whether or not the affair is actually taking place. While there are dozens of different signs that your spouse may be exuding that point to them cheating on you — unless you have proof, or a confession, there will always be that lingering doubt in the back of your mind.

Because the unfaithful today use the internet to aide them in their extramarital activities, online infidelity investigation services are the recommended method of either validating your suspicions, or putting them to rest for good.

Avoiding the pitfalls of false accusations

In some cases, the act of falsely accusing your spouse of cheating on you can cause irreparable harm to your relationship. In fact, these accusations may trigger the type of distrust and hurt that cheating on your spouse yourself may cause — accusations can be extremely damaging. For this reason, before you confront your spouse about your suspicions — you need to have undeniable proof that they are, in fact, having an extramarital affair.

How to heal from an extramarital affair

Once you have verified that your spouse has been cheating on you, or did cheat on you in the past — you need to confront them and take an honest look at your feelings. It will take time — yes. You may actually need to separate yourself from your spouse for a season, and maybe even your kids for a short period of time as well. Get away, sort your personal feelings about yourself out, identify what you really want, and then go back to discuss things with your spouse.

Now, there is no denying it — sometimes marriages will not work out after an extramarital affair. However, more times than not, there are ways to keep a marriage together, and even make it even stronger than it was before.

While it is true that extramarital infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship, and it certainly can cause walls to go up between couples when an extramarital affair has taken place — an affair does not have to destroy a marriage.

Ed Opperman is the Pres of Opperman Investigations Inc and the chief investigator for http://www.emailrevealer.com If you need assistance with Dating Service (Infidelity) Investigation please feel free to visit his web site.

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My favorite song right now is "In Better Hands Now" by Natalie Grant. I was on a long car drive this morning and falling asleep so I put this song on when suddenly it hit me how much this song has to say for those of you who have recently divorced. Support and encouragement can come from any source. Let’s go on a journey to discover how this song can speak to you…

"It’s hard to stand on shifting sand"

Who disagrees with the idea that a divorce causes your life to feel unstable? It can feel almost impossible to get your equilibrium at the beginning.

"It’s hard to shine in the shadows of the night"

Depression, or at the very least, fear begins to creep in. Most people find these feelings most bothersome at night when they’re trying to sleep. That’s when you aren’t able to keep your brain occupied with all of the "to do’s" and it fills up with all the thoughts you’ve been trying to avoid.

"You can’t be free if you don’t reach for help"

You don’t live in a vacuum. A divorce, whether your chose it or not, causes a lot of change in your life. It’s important that you reach out. It could be as simple as for help moving or a close friend to hold you while you cry. That help really is necessary if you’re going to move past those post divorce feelings.

"You can’t love if you don’t love yourself"

This is such an important concept after a divorce. So many people want to rush into a new relationship in order to avoid dealing with those uncomfortable post-divorce feelings such as loneliness, fear, anger, and disappointment. While it may sound like a good idea, it’s one of the worst things you can do. You’re not fully able to love another person (no matter how great they may seem) if you’ve not adequately taken care of yourself first. It’s once you are healed that you can fully give of yourself to the new relationship

So what’s the solution; what’s the best way to move forward after your divorce? The very next two lines of the song tell all…

"There is hope when my faith runs out

Cause I’m in better hands now"

Changes of this magnitude in your life can cause you to rethink everything you’ve ever known. Life doesn’t seem to have turned out the way you’d expected it to. A lot of people become embittered by this. I suggest instead that you put yourself in better hands than just your own. You were not created to do life on your own. There is a God who desperately wants to hold you in His arms and help you through this situation. Reach out to Him for help as well as just your friends.

When you’re willing to admit that you can’t handle this situation just by yourself and lean on God, that’s when you can really move forward. You will be given the strength you need. Will the pain instantly go away? No, but you’ll have the hope and power to endure it which will make your journey shorter. Your perspective on what you’re going through and future will drastically shift. Give Him the chance to heal you and your children. And never forget that no matter how difficult things may feel right now, you’re in better hands now.

And if the idea of learning from other divorced and remarried parents sounds appealing to you, come on in to The Community then! We exist as a place where you can ask questions and offer support to one another. Check us out at http://www.RemarriageCommunity.com

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So I guess someone could say that I was divorced from reality. They are more likely to be unemployed, underemployed, disabled, and divorced, and they earn less than their healthy peers. We discussed Papal Encyclicals, Jesuit Intellectualism, prejudice, love, divorce, annulment, death, and a whole lot of things in between.

However, in an earlier scene Anna, in an emotional outburst, has apologized to Philip for letting down her guard and asking him to divorce his wife and marry her instead. An elderly neighbour, or someone who has been recently widowed or divorced, someone who is ill and can surely use a lift, why do you think the divorce rate is way above 50%.

Through marrying Linda Eastman, an American divorcee with one daughter in 1969, a year before the Beatles split, he connected to the American train of thought quickly and thus was able to introduce his solo music to the American public with the same easiness. Survey respondents with depression report greater rates of divorce and unemployment than the general public. Some things will need to be kept forever, such as, birth certificates, divorce papers, life insurance policies, military records, and social security cards.

This is true even if you must sell the property because of an emergency, divorce, lost job or other unfortunate things that can occur in life. Cracks started to appear when Bjorn and Agnetha divorced just two month after Benny and Frida got married. I want to be heard and this rule changed to protect all divorced military spouses from loosing their benefits after being married over 20 years to a retired military person.

There are a lot of occurrences that will put people in a situation where they need to sell fast, divorce, bankruptcy, maybe the owner needs to move into a nursing home and there are many, many more. The first scenario that the volunteers faced was a divorced taxpayer with a 10-year old child. Most homeowners in this situation are facing a financial crisis of some sort: divorce, death, job loss, high medical bills, or some other circumstance that has made them unable to make their mortgage payments.

When the two met, Moder was married but he soon divorced his wife to continue his relationship with Roberts. Also, people experiencing a divorce, loss of job, etc are often bankruptcy seekers. I see envy and wrath and gossip and sexual abuse and fornication, second marriages and divorce in the church, and I wonder where My Holy Spirit and His power are.

By taking a few precautionary steps, and having a solid understanding of the way your accounts work, before the divorce begins will mean that a recent divorcee won’t have quite so many pieces to pick up after the divorce is over. Let the lenders know that you are now divorced and starting your own credit line. Women divorce such old raging bulls, for their infidelity.

Half of the people reading this e-book have already been through a divorce. Your ‘tell and sell’ includes Helps the nearly divorced audience, both men and women. A divorce may involve many losses simultaneously - spouse, children, a life style, standing in the community, a home, and so forth.

Finally, Betty Jane, a recent divorcee, asked Trevor if it was a good time to invest. No matter what caused you to file bankruptcy, be it from doctor and hospital bills, a divorce, a loss of your job, or perhaps even your own foolishness, you’re going to have to start over again.

Uchenna Ani-Okoye is an internet marketing advisor and co founder of Free Affiliate Programs For more information and resource links on divorce visit: divorcelawyerconsultation/” target=”_blank”>divorce Lawyer Consultation

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