It’s only in articles about divorce that a divorce goes smoothly if you’ll just follow the tips they write about, eh? I have gone through a divorce. It’s not easy. You have gone through a divorce. It’s not easy.
When I read some of the questions out of the divorce Forums, I am continuously amazed at some of the incidents that come up, displaying for all the world to see the lack of maturity on the part of the divorcing parties. In some instances, one or both parties use dirty tactics to punish the other.
I knew of one divorcee who could not get her rich and powerful husband to finalize their divorce. He was trying to force her out of the house because of the possession clause in their state. If she got fed up and left, he owned the house. He paid off judges and attorneys to ignore her requests to finalize the divorce. She tried to find attorneys with great big fangs to go after him, and was unsuccessful. Eight years after the proceedings had begun, she got fed up and figured out a way to make it final. She went to her therapist (whom she knew had to report this to the police) and said that she had a gun and was going to shoot the bastard. The therapist, of course, reported it to the police. Magically, her divorce was finalized the following week.
I am not suggesting you use this tactic. In fact, I strongly suggest that you do not use it. I told you the story simply to illustrate the dirty tactics I’ve seen happen in divorce court. What I am suggesting is that you do everything in your power to create a collaborative divorce for the sake of your children.
divorce is a time when reason seems to fly the coup. You’d like to be reasonable but the spats between you and your ex are like an adrenaline rush and you can’t seem to stop those dangerous emotions from being flung into one another’s faces. If this is what is happening for you, I’d suggest that you let your attorney speak to his attorney so that the emotions can be anesthetized and reason returned to the throne.
Research on the internet so that you understand your rights and the rights of your children. That knowledge, plus the expertise of your attorney, should help to make a collaborative divorce happen and thus, not be quite so disturbing for the children involved. If your discussions with your ex become volatile, please don’t do them in front of your children. Go outside the house when your mom is watching the kids and have the discussion out of earshot.
Have collaboration and harmony as your goal for the sake of your children and you’ll experience a lot more of it than if you don’t set this goal. Your children deserve to be as undisturbed emotionally as you are able to craft for them. They’ll appreciate it when they are more mature. It’s just not necessary to revert to dirty tactics when you’re divorced.
In his book “Getting Over It: Wisdom for divorced Parents,” Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len’s book and it’s accompanying workbook at divorcedparents.com” target=”_blank”>http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com
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